It's All Part of the Job
by SpiderFangWolverine123
Summary: If you were upset with how little Criminal Minds focused on the pain and angst of poor Dr. Reid's various injuries throughout the series, this is the place for you. This will basically be a collection of one-shots containing the continuation of episodes where I felt that Reid's pain was not adequately expressed. Rated T for now, but could probably be rated K plus (?)
1. S1E6 - LSDK

**There may be a few exaggerations in here, but I'll try to keep his injuries close to what they were in the show.**

 **My hope is that you can watch the episode, and then read these to satisfy your need for Reid Hurt/Comfort. Please let me know how you felt I did, good or bad. Criticism is encouraged as long as it is meant to help me improve. Don't just tell me you didn't like it. Tell me what I can do better!**

 **If there are any episodes I don't have up yet that you want me to write a continuation for, PM me and let me know. I'll see what I can cook up! ; )**

 **S1E6 - L.D.S.K.**

"Stop! Federal Agent! Federal Agent!" Hotch shouted through the door.

Reid watched Hotch pull the door open, and SWAT agents came pouring through the door. They had their guns raised, but they quickly lowered the weapons when the dead Phillip Dowd came into view. The agents ran quickly to the hostages, ushering them out of the room.

Reid let his hands fall to the ground, the gun clattering to the floor. His side ached where Hotch kicked him, and there was a strange ringing in his ears from getting nailed in the face with Dowd's gun.

"...eid?..."

Reid looked up, and could make out a blurry Hotch kneeling above him. His mouth was moving, but the sound wasn't reaching his ears.

"H-Hotch?" He coughed, turning on his side, and he groaned when the coughing increased the pounding in his head.

He felt Hotch's hand on his shoulder, holding him still. "Hang in there, Reid." Hotch murmured. Reid smiled briefly at the thought that even when Hotch was trying to be comforting, he still sounded like he was barking orders. Another bout of pain wracked his head, and Reid gritted his teeth, trying not to moan in pain like a baby.

"Hey! I need a medic!" Hotch shouted, standing up on one knee and raising a hand. Reid looked up, and though the lights seemed to shine too brightly, making everything hazy, he could barely make out four other figures quickly rushing toward them.

"Hotch!" Morgan's voice cut through first, and he came upon the scene with a wild look in his eye. Reid saw momentary relief on his face before he noticed Reid's condition.

"What the hell happened?" Morgan asked as the others approached behind him. He caught sight of the zip ties still fastened around Reid and Hotch's wrists, and he stopped a SWAT agent, taking a knife from his belt.

Morgan quickly cut off Hotch's restraints, and knelt down to cut Reid free. He easily slipped the knife between the plastic and skin, and sawed up, quickly slicing through the tie. He cut off the other tie, and threw them to the side.

Gideon took a knee beside Reid, gently angling his head up to peer into his eyes. "He might have a concussion." Gideon mused in concern. He noticed the purple bruising along Reid's jaw and his own jaw tightened. "Most likely has a concussion."

Morgan stood up, facing the mass of people running around the room chaotically. "Federal agent down!" He shouted. "Federal agent down, I need a medic!"

"No…" Reid protested, trying to pull himself up. "No...'M fine..."

"Stay down, Reid." Hotch ordered. "I may not have an IQ of 180, but I know what a concussion looks like."

"'S actually 18 _7_ ," Reid corrected him a slurred voice. Hotch cracked a small smile, but worry still clouded his eyes.

Finally, a medic made their way over to him. She kneeled near the felled agent, setting her bag next to her. She ushered Morgan and Hotch out of the way, pulling a penlight out of her bag.

"Dr. Reid, can you hear me?" The medic asked in a brisk voice as she shined the light in his eyes.

Reid groaned, pulling away and squinting against the light. "Mom?" His voice was weak, hoarse and shaken. "My head hurts…"

"Reid," Morgan crouched down, gently shaking Reid's shoulder. "C'mon, kid, focus up here."

The medic turned to the team. "He needs to get an MRI as soon as possible." She stood up, calling out to her partner. "I need a backboard over here!"

Hotch stood up, watching the scene with concern, and Morgan joined him, pulling out his cell.

"I'm going to call Garcia," Morgan told Hotch in a somber voice. "She'll want to meet us at the hospital."

JJ felt her heart ache as she looked down at Reid. She took Morgan's place beside Reid, gently brushing his long hair off of his forehead.

"You're gonna be okay," JJ promised him. "Garcia will kill you if you aren't."

"What?" Reid blinked up at her, his eyes unfocused. She offered a tight smile, trying to keep the stress off her face.

"Nothing, sweetie. Just be still."

The medics brought over the backboard, and smoothly transitioned Reid on top. They lifted him up, and started walking towards the ambulance after securing the safety straps. Just as they started moving, JJ felt Reid snag her hand with his fingers.

"Please don't leave," Reid begged in a small voice, his eyes shut in pain. JJ glanced back at Hotch, who gave her a slight nod. JJ turned to the EMT's, and smiled, walking alongside the gurney.

JJ was careful to stay out of the EMT's way as they settled in. The woman pulled the doors shut, and the ambulance started to move, rocking from side to side. JJ carefully kept hold of Reid's hand.

"Dr. Reid, we need you to try and stay awake for us," The woman asked, looking worriedly at him.

"Tired," Reid murmured quietly, his grip on JJ's hand laxing.

"Spence...Spencer!" JJ squeezed his hand tightly. "Come back. Listen to my voice. Don't fall asleep, okay?"

"Okay…" Reid whispered, his voice nearly inaudible. "I don't feel good…"

"I know…" JJ said gently. "Just relax, okay? The doctors are going to take care of you."

"No…" Reid groaned. "No hospitals...I'm fine, I promise…"

"Spence, it's going to be okay," JJ soothed him. "Just focus on my voice."

"Please don't leave…" Reid whimpered, wincing as the pain in his head rocketed up a few levels. "Mom…"

JJ closed her eyes for a moment, realizing that Reid wasn't seeing things as they were. She held his hand tightly, holding back tears of fear.

"It's okay, Spencer," She murmured. "I'm here. I promise."

 **LINE BREAK**

JJ sat in the hospital waiting room, hands clasped tightly together. The doctors had taken Reid in as soon as they could, and they told her he was now getting an MRI.

Garcia rushed into the room, tears barely held back behind her glasses. JJ stood just in time to be enveloped in a giant bear hug, with Garcia holding her desperately.

"How is he?" She asked.

JJ smiled. "The doctors said that at worst it was just a bad concussion. They took him up for an MRI."

Garcia took a deep, steadying breath. "Okay, he's fine. He's fine, okay."

The rest of the team entered the waiting room, crossing quickly to the pair. JJ raised a hand to stave off the coming questions, four pairs of anxious eyes staring at her.

"The doctors said Reid'll be fine. At worst, it was a bad concussion, but they aren't concerned about any brain damage."

"How hard did Dowd hit him?" Elle mused to herself, shaking her head.

"It was bad," Hotch informed them, his face grim. "Dowd was angry, hurt, and desperate. I was concerned that he might hit Reid again just to vent his anger."

"He's a tough kid," Morgan said. "He'll have one hell of a headache for a few days, but he'll get past this."

A doctor rounded the corner, holding a chart in his hands. "Agents?"

The team turned, looking at the doctor with mirrored hopeful expressions.

"You can visit Agent Reid now if you like," The doctor informed them, and the team hurried to follow him. He opened the door to Reid's room, and as Gideon passed him, he paused for a moment.

"He goes by _Dr._ Reid," He emphasised, and then followed the rest of his team to visit the youngest member of the BAU.

 **LINE BREAK**

Reid blinked lazily as his friends entered. He pushed himself up slightly, and then gave up, slumping back against the pillows.

"Hey, Spence," JJ said as she rounded to his side. "How are you feeling?"

"Like...I was just given painkillers," Reid murmured, in answer to her question.

Morgan chuckled. "No kidding, huh?"

"Nope," Reid responded. "Although, 64% of people that are given some kind of narcotic find that it's difficult to stay concentrated on one…" He trailed off, and his brow furrowed. "What was I saying?"

Morgan laughed again. "Take a good look, people. This is the one time that you may find Dr. Reid unable to recite statistics."

"Shut up, Morgan," Reid slurred, as his head slacked to the side.

Gideon smiled as he stared down at Reid. "He'll be fine." He decided. "He'll be fine."


	2. S1E22 S2E1 - The Fisher King

**I'd like to adress something that multiple people have pointed out to me. Yes, in the episode LSDK, Hotch kicks Reid. A lot. And it might have been interesting for his injuries to have been more severe from that. However, I've read a lot of stories where this was the issue, and I wanted to introduce a new perspective into this one. If you REALLY, REALLY want to see what Reid's like with internal bleeding, just hang on for a few chapters. I'm sure it'll come up. :)**

 **I have recieved a few suggestions of episodes that I could write continuations for, and I'm working on those. I don't think I'm going to put these out in any particular order, just to make it easier. I'll try to keep them a little bit in order, but some of the episodes from the seasons might be mixed up.**

 **(Example: The episodes from season one will be before the episodes from season two, but season one episodes might not be in the right order)**

 **S1E22S2E1 - The Fisher King, Part 1+2**

* * *

"Can I forgive myself?" The grotesque form of the burned man tightened his hand around the detonator. Reid slowly started backing away, his heart pounding in his chest.

"No, I can't," The man squeezed the trigger, and Reid leapt away from the room, diving towards Hotch and Morgan.

"Run!" He shouted, before he felt the room explode behind him. The heat blew past him, stealing his breath and enveloping him in a cloud of fire. He crashed into the ground, and the air was slammed from his lungs. He laid in shock for a moment on the ground with a ringing in his ears, and his leg felt like it was on fire. His right ear was aching with a sharp pain, and he was finding it difficult to detect noise from that side.

"Don't move, Reid, don't move!" Reid heard Morgan's shout, but it felt muffled and distant. Morgan grabbed a rug off the wall and started slapping it against Reid's leg. Glancing back, Reid discovered that his leg actually _was_ on fire.

"Get him out! Get- Let- Let's go! Let's go!" Hotch shouted, pulling the other agents out into the hallway.

Even in his dazed state, Reid realized something had to be wrong. He stopped, heard Morgan yelling that they needed to leave. He heard himself shouting back, and-

"Down- She's in the basement downstairs!" Reid shouted, and sped past Hotch on the way down, lurching slightly.

He heard Rebecca shouting. "I'm in here! Is the house on fire?!"

Reid reached the room first, and he burst in, seeing a young girl chained to the floor in a plain nightgown. He skirted to the side as Morgan and Hotch burst in, leaning down to help the girl, and he coughed as the smoke clotted in his lungs.

Everything went fuzzy for a moment, and he found himself swaying. There was still a loud ringing in his ears, and Morgan and Hotch seemed to be moving in slow motion, though their voices didn't slow down at all.

"The key, Reid, the key! The youngest holds the key!" Morgan shouted at him, and the world snapped more into focus. Moving mostly on autopilot, he pulled the key out from his pocket, and dropped down to click it into the ancient lock.

"C'mon, Reid, lets go!" Morgan was shouting, but his voice was echoing all over the place, and the words wouldn't stick in Reid's head. He felt the lock pop open and Morgan immediately started dragging Reid out, Hotch close behind with Rebecca.

As Morgan dragged him, Reid saw the hallway dance in and out of focus, and he felt himself start to tip to the side. Morgan straightened him quickly, and kept dragging him out of the burning building, as Reid stumbled at his side.

The burst through the old door of the building, just as two government issue SUV's came roaring into the area, followed closely by an ambulance and an army of police squad cars.

Morgan paused, catching his breath, and he let go of Reid momentarily. Reid braced his hands on his legs, and coughed again, feeling like there was fire in his lungs. The right side of his head was smarting sharply with pain, and he reached up, trying to find whatever shrapnel had gouged into his head. When he brought away his hand, it was covered with watery blood.

"Mor-" Reid started, but burst into a coughing fit. He couldn't seem to find enough air, and the air that he did drag in was firey, and tinted with smoke. Looking up, he could see the thick pollution pouring out of every window.

" _...eid…"_

He heard someone dimly shouting his name, and he turned to see Morgan a few feet away, looking at him in concern.

" _...Re...ou..kay?"_

Reid looked at him, blinking, but he wouldn't come any more into focus. He opened his mouth to answer, but only more coughing came out. He leaned forward, trying to clear his lungs, when suddenly the world tilted dramatically, and the ground came rushing up to meet him.

He felt someone stop him just before he face planted into the grass. Reid looked up, still coughing fiercely and struggling to pull in air. Morgan stared down at him, his face marred with alarm.

He felt Morgan drag him forward, and he resisted, tired and wanting to rest, to slow down, if only so he could catch his freaking _breath._ There were flashing lights and crowding people, and he could see some of the members of his team calling out to them, but their voices were disjointed and broken up, not matching their owner.

" _...eid...sit dow…"_

Reid felt Morgan pushing down gently on his shoulder, and he let his legs give out. Morgan braced his elbow as he lowered him onto a cushioned surface.

Someone shoved a plastic thing in front of Reid's face, and he pulled away, nearly toppling off of what he assumed was a gurney.

" _...Stay still...eid, quit...oving…"_

Morgan braced Reid's shoulders, and the same medic pressed the mask against his face. He felt fresh air fill the mask, and he breathed it in gratefully. His lungs still burned, but the cool air seemed to make the pain abate a little.

* * *

Morgan stared down at his friend, pressing the oxygen mask to his face and breathing raggedly.

"How is he?" He asked the paramedic, who was shining a light in Reid's right ear, where Morgan had spotted blood and fluid leaking out.

"He has a ruptured eardrum," The medic answered, straightening up. "It doesn't look to bad, and'll probably heal within a few months or so. Ruptured eardrums normally cause dizziness, which explains why your friend here was a little off kilter."

Morgan nodded. "Hospital?"

The medic studied Reid carefully before answering. "I wouldn't say that you needed to," He said, shrugging slightly. "He will need to get that ear checked out within the next few days, to get antibiotics and things, but I'd say there isn't an emergency."

"The thing that worries me most is the smoke inhalation," The medic continued. "Was he closer to the blast than the rest of you?"

"Yeah," Morgan answered regretfully. "He was pretty damn close."

The medic nodded. "He might have inhaled some ashes or cinders from the explosion. I'd say the best thing for him in the next couple of months is rest."

"Sure thing," Morgan agreed, and then pulled Reid to his feet. "Let's go, Pretty Boy, I'm taking you to the hospital."

"But-" Reid looked back at the medic, who was climbing into the ambulance. "He said I didn't need to-"

"Yeah, well, I say that you do," Morgan interrupted him, leading him towards the SUV. "We're gonna get that ear looked at."

Morgan pulled open the passenger side door, and helped Reid up. He crossed around to the driver's side, and got in.

Reid grinned drunkenly over at him. "You sure you don't want me to drive?"

Morgan glanced over at his friend, leaning haphazardly against the seat, eyes slightly unfocused. He cracked a small smile, patiently shaking his head. "Yeah, Pretty Boy, I'm pretty sure."

* * *

 **A few questions that I would love for you to answer in a review:**

 **1 - Would you be interested in reading any alternate endings to episodes where Reid was in danger, but never actually hurt? (i.e., the episode Derailed, where Reid was almost shot)**

 **2 - I know Reid did not go to the hospital in this continuation. Is that okay? Would you**

 **rather see him in a hospital setting?**

 **3 - What episodes would you like to see a continuation of? (Can be any, I've seen up to the end of season 10)**

 **Let me know how you feel in general. Love it? Hate it? Don't really care? :)**


	3. S2E15 - Revelations

**This is a continuation that has been requested a lot, by so many different people. I hope it lives up to your standards, and please feel free to review with some constructive criticisms.**

 **Also, it might seem like there is some Jeid going on (JJ/Reid) but I support the Reid/Maeve and JJ/Will ships. (I know, horribly canon). I support Jeid in purely the friendship sense. But, if you are a fan of Reid and JJ dating, you can read it that way all you like.**

 **Enjoy! : )**

 _~To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.~_

 _-Criss Jami_

* * *

The Emergency Room was a buzz of activity. A team of paramedics burst through the emergency bay doors, pushing a stretcher loaded with a gasping man in front of them. Doctors swarmed the scene, quickly pulling the man behind two swinging double doors.

An old man held the hand of a pale elderly woman, who had the other hand pressed firmly to her chest. A child cried in the corner of the room, angrily trying to get his mother's attention. A teenager with tears in her eyes was pacing the room, cell phone to her ear, calling loudly to the person on the other end.

It was loud. It was chaotic. And it was going to drive him insane.

Spencer held his hands clasped tightly in front of them, trying to control the trembling in his fingers. He couldn't get them to stop shaking. He had tried. Repeatedly. But it seemed that they were no longer in his control, as every time he relaxed even the slightest, they went off again, shaking and jerking uncontrollably.

One might think that after two days of solitude, the only company being a psychotic killer with multiple personalities, the presence of people around him, even if they were nervous, scared, and crying, would be a relief. A reminder that no matter how alone he had felt in those two long days, there had been others in the world, living their lives, and life hadn't stopped for everyone, even if it almost had for him.

However, the crowds seemed to suck all the air out of the room, making it hard to breathe. They were crying, grumbling, whining, arguing, moaning, and complaining. They were tapping their feet, crossing their arms, pacing around the room, pressing buttons on their phones, snapping magazine pages. Doors slammed, nurses shouted, and a woman wailed as she stood before a grim faced doctor. She fell to her knees, clutching her sides as though that could keep her together. She keened again, her head falling forward with grief. Her crying made his headache even worse.

Spencer clenched his hands tighter, until small stabs of pain shot through his fingers from crushing them too tightly. Didn't she know that the screaming didn't help with the pain? That whether you cried or not, the pain was always there. But if you cried, they knew that what they did hurt you. And they knew how to make it worse.

"Spence?" A soft voice pulled him from the haze of fear, and he blinked, looking to the side. JJ looked back at him, her eyes gentle.

The woman wailed as the doctors and nurses tenderly lifted her to her feet and escorted her from the waiting room, her feet dragging limply against the floor. The doctors eased the woman along, walking her by Spencer. Her breath caught in dry sobs as she walked along, rasping and thick. Spencer blinked at the harsh sound, pulling him back to one of the many moments in that shack that would haunt him for years...

 _The lights swung lazily above him. Every once in a while, the light would split, doubling into two bright, shining orbs, before drifting back together._

 _Spencer tried to shake himself awake as he heard a harsh noise echoing throughout the small space. It was a raspy hiss, sounding every few seconds, and Spencer tried to be quiet to figure out where the sound was coming from._

 _It took him a moment to realize that he himself was the culprit._

 _His breath rushed into his lungs desperately when he pulled air in, restricted by the odd angel of his neck as his head lay draped over the back of the chair. He tried to pull his head up, but it felt as heavy as cement, and he couldn't lift it more than an inch._

 _Shifting his eyes left and right, he could tell that he was alone in the small space. At first, he felt relief. Relief that Tobias was gone, leaving him in peace, even for a moment. But then the dread settled in. Dread of when Tobias would return. No, not Tobias. When his father would return, with his Bible, and his punishments, and his holy anger._

 _And trepidation for when Raphael would return, with his righteous arrogance, and his choices, and his gun._

 _But worst was the slight anticipation for when Tobias would return, bringing his kindness, his compassion...and his drugs. The drugs that Spencer was starting to see as his only escape from this Hell._

 _Spencer closed his eyes, trying to ignore the feeling of hope that it would be Tobias who would return, bringing his drugs and sympathetic disposition. Trying not to yearn for the escape that Tobias would bring with his drugs, and also for the tenderness and understanding that he would bring, his well meant words and actions that were a drop of light in this sea of dark._

 _He found himself wishing that Tobias would open the door, ending this horrible dread and anticipation tug of war in his head. But the door stayed shut. Tobias stayed away._

 _And Spencer was left alone with his own raspy breathing._

"Spence?" He felt someone place a hand on his shoulder, and he jolted, snapping back to reality. JJ jerked her hand back, freezing in place. She watched him warily, as though afraid he might snap.

Spencer swallowed nervously, and nodded, looking back at the floor. He could feel the stares of the rest of his team on his skin, and squeezed his hands anxiously.

JJ slowly reached over and placed a hand gently on his arm, her touch light and careful. Spencer blinked, feeling tears sting his eyes. He didn't want to cry.

"It's okay, Spence," JJ murmured tenderly. "It's over now."

Spencer shook his head, speaking the first words he had since they had arrived in his hospital over four hours ago. "It's not over," He said in a tired voice. _And it's not okay._ He added silently, loathing at what he had done simmering tightly in his chest.

"Spencer Reid?" A nurse called from the front.

Spencer jumped, his heart pounding with renewed terror. For a moment, the thought of standing, walking to that woman, braving the questions and the looks and the needles by himself made him sick. He gripped the arms of the chair, unable to move.

"Spencer Reid?" The nurse called again.

"Reid?" Emily Prentiss spoke up in front of him. She exchanged glances with the rest of the team. "Do you want one of us to come with you?"

"N-it's actually-I just…" Spencer clenched his jaw, unable to get the words out properly. The lights felt too bright, his skin was crawling, and there was a sudden pounding in his head that was drowning out everything else.

"Spence." He felt JJ lay her hand on his arm. "Let me come with you."

Unable to speak, Spencer merely nodded his head, allowing JJ to pull him to his feet and lead him over to the tired looking nurse, who tossed a careless smile their way before turning and leading them into the back.

* * *

Morgan watched his friend walk numbly out of the room, trailing after JJ like a lost puppy. She was holding his hand, leading him forward with a concerned look in her eye.

Morgan shook his head, looking down at the ground.

"He's really hurting, isn't he?" Garcia spoke up sadly, sitting beside him. She watched the doors swing close after the pair, and a tear among many slipped down her cheek.

"He'll be alright." Gideon mused, a few chairs away. "He just needs time."

"He shouldn't need the time." Hotch said bitterly, across from Morgan. Morgan's head shot up, and he glared at his leader, unable to comprehend why he could say anything so callous.

Immediately, Hotch shook his head. "That's not what I…" He trailed off, his mouth flattening into an angry line. "How old is he? Twenty-five? He's been held at gunpoint, shot at, beaten, kidnapped, drugged, and forced to dig his own grave. He shouldn't _have_ to recover from something like this. He shouldn't have to go through anything like this at all."

"Reid has done good work," Gideon pointed out mildly, studying Hotch carefully. "He's saved lives."

"But for what price?" Hotch looked at Gideon, his eyes dark.

The team was silent, considering Hotch's words. Morgan looked to the double doors that his friend had disappeared through, his jaw tightening. Reid wasn't a child. And he knew that. The whole team knew that.

But despite his age, and the fact that he was a genius and a very respected member of the team, there was an innocence and naivety about him that none of them could dismiss. It wasn't only that he was too young for such a thing to happen to him. It was that he was too good a person, too kind, too wide-eyed for this sort of cruel act to befall him.

"I haven't known Reid very long." Prentiss spoke up cautiously, unsure of herself. "But if he's the kind of person that he seems like to me...I think he'll be alright."

* * *

The nurse held open the door, and Spencer stepped inside, JJ close behind. He blinked against the bright light, his palms sweaty.

"Okay...Dr. Reid, you can take a seat there." She gestured to the padded table in the center of the room.

Spencer turned, and was stepping towards the exam table, when a wave of dizziness washed over him. His eyes closed of their own accord, and his legs faltered, causing him to stumble slightly. He felt JJ grab his arm, steadying him. She lead him to the table, and helped him sit up.

Spencer blinked, squinting slightly. The nurse had a no-nonsense disposition, but her expression was concerned, if a little miffed. She fixed her gaze on Spencer for another moment, before turning back to her clipboard. She scribbled quickly, and set the clipboard next to the computer on a small side table.

"You've had your insurance processed?" She verified in a brisk voice. Spencer nodded, wincing when the action increased his vertigo and nausea. The nurse placed a bundle of cloth on the table next to him. "We'll need you to put this gown on, sir." Spencer dipped his head again to indicate that he understood.

"The physician will be in to see you shortly." The nurse finished, before quickly exiting the room.

Spencer closed his eyes, his fingers wrapping around the edge of the exam table. The nausea hadn't been as bad in the beginning, but was quickly rising, becoming worse and worse.

Taking a deep breath, he started pulling his sweatervest up and over his head. He hesitated for a moment, glancing at JJ. "You can go, if you want."

She seemed to consider the offer for a half a second, glancing back at Spencer uncertainly. "Do you want me to?"

He opened his mouth, unsure of what to say. "I, uh…" The truth was, he didn't want her to leave. He didn't necessarily want her to see him undressed, but the prospect of being left alone in this room seemed worse. "No," He finished in a small voice.

JJ offered a small smile. "Then I'm not leaving." She walked over to him, helping him get the sweatervest over his head. Spencer tried to unbutton his shirt with shaking fingers, gritting his teeth with embarrassment as the buttons kept slipping from his fingers.

For a moment, JJ caught his hand, waiting until he looked up at her. "It's okay, Spencer." She said in a calming voice. He nodded, going slower and taking deep breaths to steady his hands. Finally, he slipped out of his shirt, and pulled on the gown, still wearing his pants. JJ tied up the strings in the back, and Spencer quickly slipped out of his slacks.

Finally, he sat back, exhausted from the effort. All he wanted to do was sleep. Pretend for a few hours that all of this was just a bad dream, that it never happened. Pretend that he hadn't done all those horrible things… deserted JJ at the barn… shot Tobias Hankel in cold blood… sentenced one of the people from the screens to death…

A strong wave of nausea washed over him. He tightened his grip on the edge of the table, breathing through his nose. The mix of guilt, anger, and shame churned in his stomach, making it worse.

He didn't want to throw up. He hated throwing up. Even as a child, he had always hated throwing up. It was only made worse by the fact that his mother had almost never been there to comfort him.

"Spence, are you…" JJ stopped herself before she could finish with _"okay"_. "What's wrong, Spence?"

"Don't feel good," He admitted through tight lips, the sickness in his stomach intensifying with the admission.

"Do you want to go to the bathroom?" JJ asked, standing up from her seat.

Spencer considered, and felt his stomach lurch alarmingly. He pressed a hand to his mouth, nodding frantically, despite the extreme dizziness that ensued. "Yes!" He managed to choke out, clumsily making his way off the table.

JJ grabbed his arm, and kept him steady as he stumbled toward the bathroom in the corner of the room. Spencer collapsed in front of the toilet, and before he could even try to keep it down, he vomited what meager contents remained in his stomach. JJ stood behind him, rubbing his back soothingly.

"It's okay," She murmured to him, as he continued to retch. "Just let it happen. Try to relax."

Try to relax? It felt like his organs were trying to force themselves out of his body in the most painful way possible. There was nothing left for him to regurgitate, but his body insisted, dry heaving painfully. Finally, the attack ceased, and Spencer sat back, momentarily relieved.

He heard the sink running, and JJ crouched down next to him, holding a wet cloth. She gently swiped the cloth over his forehead, brushing his sweaty hair out of his face.

"You need to cut your hair, Spence," She said with a small smile. "It's getting long."

Spencer felt a slight chuckle fight it's way out of him, the first in days. He took a deep breath, and shifted himself away from the toilet. The stench wafting up from the bowl was reigniting his nausea. JJ leaned forward and flushed the toilet, before standing back up to wash her hands.

"Here," JJ held out her hands. Spencer looked up at her quizzically. He blinked, trying to bring the weird doubled image of her back into focus. She reached down and pulled him to his feet, helping him stand in front of the sink. JJ made sure he was steady, and then kneeled down to rummage through the cabinet. She came back up with a small plastic cup in her hands.

JJ filled the cup halfway, and then handed it to Spencer. "Rinse out your mouth." She ordered, and Spencer brought the cup to his mouth. He spit the water out quickly, repulsed by the taste. JJ refilled the cup, and Spencer repeated the process.

Finally, once the taste was muted, JJ led Spencer back to the main room. Just as she was helping him back up onto the exam table, the door swung open again. An agreeable, if tired, looking man stepped into the room, and smiled at the pair.

"Hello…" The man reached for the chart on the table. He peered at it for a moment, before looking back up at them. "Dr. Reid?"

Spencer dipped his head slightly, apprehensive of reigniting the nausea.

"My name is Dr. Carey." He introduced himself with another bright smile. "I'll be helping you out today."

Spencer closed his eyes, not possessing the strength to nod again. His heart was pounding, and the cheerful note to this man's voice was grating on his nerves. He didn't even want to come here. It wasn't like he had been shot or anything. Actually, he was the one that had shot someone else.

"Dr. Reid, could you open your eyes, please?" Dr. Carey asked in a soft voice.

Spencer blinked his eyes open. Dr. Carey smiled almost patronizingly, holding up a penlight. "Look at the wall over my shoulder." He directed.

Spencer fixed his gaze at the bland paint color, forcing himself to keep his eyes open as the doctor shined the light in his eyes, moving it back and forth. Now that the nausea was mostly passed, he just wanted to sleep.

"Dr. Reid, are you feeling any any nausea?" Dr. Carey asked.

"I was," Spencer answered weakly, with a glance to the bathroom.

"Ah," Dr. Carey responded, a knowing smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "I understand. Blurred vision?"

"Yes," Spencer responded absolutely, blinking uncomfortably.

"Are there any other significant discomforts that you can name at this time?" Dr. Carey asked, pen poised over the clipboard.

Spencer closed his eyes, gathering his strength to pull together the last of his concentration. "Drowsiness, dizziness….a little double vision." He listed half heartedly.

"Okay, I'm going to order a blood and urine test…" Dr. Carey said with a bright smile. "Don't worry, we'll find out what's going on with-"

"I know what's wrong with me!" Spencer snapped. He had been here for hours at his team's insistence, he was tired, sick, and more than a little dehydrated. The last thing he needed was this too-cheerful doctor with his perky smiles acting like he could fix everything. There were some things that couldn't be fixed.

"Dilaudid," Spencer spat. "That's what's causing all of this. I don't need your stupid tests or your guesses or your diagnosis. I know what's wrong."

Dr. Carey was shocked out of a smile for a moment. "Dr. Reid, I am aware of your situation, but we still have to order these tests so that we can be sure-"

"I don't care!" Spencer retorted. Suddenly exhausted, he put his head in his hands. "I don't care."

"Could you give us a minute?" He heard JJ ask softly. Dr. Carey murmured an assent, and his quiet footfall faded as he walked out the door. JJ lightly closed the door behind him, approaching Spencer slowly.

"Talk to me, Spence." She said, standing beside him.

"I'm fine." Spencer insisted weakly. "I don't need to be here."

JJ didn't respond at first. She nudged Spencer lightly, and he scooted over on the narrow table. JJ boosted herself up to sit next to him, and took one of his hands in her own.

"Spence, I saw the videos. I know what he did to you. You can't...blame yourself for that." JJ began, struggling to find just the right words.

"I should have stopped him." Spencer whispered, his voice so slight that JJ wondered if he meant for her to hear. "I was there, I should have said _something_ to stop him. But I couldn't. I couldn't save them."

"Who, Spence?" JJ asked.

"The people that he killed." Spencer responded miserably. "I told him which one would die, I _chose_ the person that he killed, and in a way…" Spencer's voice rose, nearly hysterical. "It's like I killed them, too!"

"No, Spence, that wasn't your fault." JJ insisted. "You… You would have died. Tobias would have killed you. You didn't have a choice. Those deaths are on his hands. Not yours."

"Tobias?" Spencer echoed, his voice taking on a dark edge. "I killed him, too. I shot him in cold blood. Tobias was… _nice_ to me. And I killedhim for it."

"That's not…" JJ trailed off. "You didn't kill Tobias, Spence. You shot his father. Tobias was three different people, and his father would have killed you without hesitation."

"Then how am I any different than him?" Spencer continued. "I didn't even think before I shot him...it was self defense...but I just shot him…" He shivered.

JJ opened her mouth, unsure of what she could say that would take her friends pain away, but knowing without a doubt that she had to try.

Spencer continued before she could get the chance. "I practically let Tobias take me without a fight. If it had been you, or Morgan, or Hotch, or anyone else, you would have found a way. You wouldn't have just let yourself get taken like that." His voice twisted with disgust for himself.

"Stop it." JJ ordered, her voice firm. "Spence, you did exactly what you had to do to survive. None of us doubt that."

"None of you would have let yourself get into that situation in the first place." Spencer muttered.

"And none of us would have been able to get out of it like you had." JJ responded softly. "Spencer, look at me."

He shifted his gaze away from the floor, looking up at his friend. His eyes were full of misery.

"You are not weak." She said firmly. "You are strong, and brave, and smart, and a million other wonderful things that make you an amazing person. And you don't have to go through this alone, okay? We are your family, and we are with you every step of the way."

She pulled him into a firm embrace, and Spencer stiffened at first, before relaxing and leaning against her shoulder. Spencer felt a dam break inside of him, and deep sobs wracked his chest. Hot tears slid down his face, and he felt JJ holding him tightly.

"It's okay, Spence." She whispered. "Everything's okay."

* * *

 _~"The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other."~_

– _Mario Puzo_

 **As always, review and tell me what you thought. I liked this one better than the others, but that's just me. What do YOU think? : )**

 **Also, I know that the quote at the end of this chapter has been used in the show, but I thought it was appropriate and wanted to use it.**


End file.
